Ryan Swain
Ryan Swain is a TV presenter, DJ, and neurodiversity advocate, known for his dynamic energy and commitment to raising awareness around ADHD and Tourette’s Syndrome. Diagnosed later...
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Who are you?
Hi, my name's Ryan Swain, and I am a father. I'm a fiance, or should I say husband to be? I'm a presenter, an entertainer, a comedian, a skateboarder. I am a dj, and to some of the viewers at home, probably the most famous person that you've never heard of. I did miss one thing out there, which is I also am a mental health and neurodiversity advocate and campaigner.
How did you first find out you had ADHD?
I first found out I had a DHD when I was at primary school, and now I went to a primary school in North Yorkshire called Norton County Primary. In the nineties when things were a little bit different to the modern day culture and climate, things weren't as accepted behaviorally back then like they are now. And I really struggled throughout primary education. Now. When I was born, my parents described me as a live wire, a fidget, constantly on the go. And even as a baby and an infant and a toddler, I was slightly ahead, always wanting to develop and grow and wanting to do things. Very proactive, very alert, very high energy. And from that moment in time, my parents started to research why I had so much energy. At first, I think my parents thought that it was maybe kids being kids, but they started to realise that it wasn't just the energy, I was not able to concentrate and focus like some of the other children in my class. At school, I wasn't able to deal with my emotional responses very well. As a child, I would have tantrums, I would get very easily offended, very easily upset. Things were very difficult for me at school. I always wanted to be popular and fit in, I think even from a small age. So I would do whatever I could to clown around, make people laugh, entertain people, just basically try to fit in. And that goes into a statement, which I always say A DH. D is. And it encapsulates the abbreviation very well, which is you try to fit in everywhere, but actually you fit in nowhere. And that's to me what A DHD felt like as a child.
What made you seek a diagnosis later in life?
What made me seek a diagnosis was how the feelings and emotions going from infancy into adolescence, into adulthood changed. And for me personally, hitting 18 and becoming an adult, things started to get more profound. They started to get darker, the thoughts got darker. The whole maintenance of how I was feeling became incredibly difficult to live with. I couldn't function correctly. I couldn't focus. I couldn't listen. I felt like a big failure wherever I went or whatever I tried to do, because nothing seemed to work out for me. I would have numerous hobbies. I would always be trying new things, trying to, like I said before, fit in. And basically I just felt like I couldn't do anything. I wanted to do so much, but I couldn't do anything. So it started to affect my friendships, my relationships. And when I say it started to affect it, what I mean by that is the sort of intense behaviour. So not being able to focus, not being able to listen to my friends properly when they're telling me things or going into a new occupation or a new job, and not being able to concentrate on that job because my mind would be on several other things in my personal life. So I'd be totally distracted all the time. And it all just became chaotic. I think that's the way to describe it. My life became chaos, and it wasn't fun. It wasn't a happy time for me. So I was in a relationship at the time. And the girlfriend who I was with, she didn't really understand that I could have this condition, which I knew I had called A DHD. And she didn't really understand it. She just thought that I wasn't paying attention or I wasn't listening to her, or wasn't taking life very seriously, when in fact I was trying my utmost best every single day. It was a constant fight, a constant battle. And even when I tried, it wasn't happening, it wasn't working and all these things, it was like a culmination of disaster led me to become incredibly depressed. Now, with Neurodivergence, you'll find anything on that sort of spectrum can lead to depression very easily. And I became very depressed and the two things were totally toxic together. So I decided to take some action, take some responsibility. So I started to take some responsibility in the respect that I went to see my local gp. And I said, look, this has gone on for long enough. My friends, my family, my teachers at school have all mentioned this condition. A-D-H-D-A-D-D, attention deficit Disorder. Attention Deficit hyperactivity disorder. I think I've got it. And basically, I'm not looking for you to give me a miracle cure. I'm looking for some closure. I'm looking for some acceptance. Now, that word, which I'm talking to you about today, acceptance will come into many answers that I'm going to answer these questions to, because for me personally, accepting it was 50% of overcoming it. The other 50% was obviously being told that that's what it is, and basically being diagnosed. So I had one piece of the puzzle and not the other. So I started to go and get this diagnosis, which back then in 2009, 2010, took around six months, the full process. And I know things are very different now in that respect, but it changed my life when I got diagnosed. But the diagnosis was very important for me just because it was like closing a chapter, closing the book, and starting a fresh book of life, really. And coming into adulthood, it really helped me understand who I really was as a person.