Julika Van Stackelberg (Gentle Parenting Guide)
Parenting coach Julika explains gentle parenting, a compassionate approach that prioritises empathy, connection, and understanding to support children’s emotional growth. She empha...
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How Do You Parent Gently?
How do you parent gently considering children's feelings and needs is a big aspect of it. Understanding that children behave the way they do because they're trying to meet a specific need or because they have a very big, sometimes feeling we need to build connection before correction in order to establish a connection with the child's part of the brain that is able to take in the lesson we're trying to teach them. And that really is able to make the connection between what we're trying to accomplish in our ways of talking to children, what is expected of them, and then it's about exploring solutions together. So many times, as the parents or caregivers, we just want to fix the world for our children and making sure that we tell them how to solve a specific problem. But it's also important to recognise that children need to explore their own ways of solving problems. So exploring these solutions together helps for children to develop the skills that we ultimately want them to develop. So recognising, for example, that we want our children to develop a capacity or a skill like being hardworking or being kind and respectful, that means that we have to let them experience all ranges of situations where they can have the exposure to what that means. So let's talk about a real life example. Say your child does not want to cooperate to get ready in the mornings. Here are some steps that you can consider. Pay attention to your child's needs and feelings. What might your child be feeling in need? And also pay attention to what went on before that specific situation that could go into it. It's very important to not be judgmental in that moment so that you can really understand or find out what is behind the child's behaviour. Then you want to consider their feelings and needs and think about how you might be able to help them respond to the needs.
What If I Feel Triggered As a Parent?
When we become triggered, it's difficult to care with empathy. So we want to take a deep breath or practise some mindfulness for ourselves. Take a step back, take a deep breath, go and take a walk. Go wash your hands in the bathroom, and then come back and think about how you are able to respond with empathy to your child. And then we want to explore solutions together. So exploring what could we do in order to solve this particular problem, which will be possible to do when your child has been able to calm themselves down and you are calmed down because you have recognised what the child might be feeling or needing. Is it too late to start gentle parenting? It's never too late. It's always possible to repair ruptures. It's possible to show love. It's possible to continue to heal from raptures that may have occurred by you being able to pivot and really focus on or adopting some of the gentle parenting practises.
What Is Gentle Parenting?
So gentle parenting is a way of parenting that is based on empathy, connection, and understanding. Gentle parenting nurtures social and emotional development in children, and it recognises that yearning is a process that takes time and repetition, and that really requires a lot of nurturing. It also teaches children through setting boundaries. So in a way, it's parenting with children instead of over children, while still maintaining the role as the parent or caregiver.